Why did New Year's Eve in NYC stink? (Brooklyn will have its day on Thursday, and Manhattan will be on Friday.) I love Hollywood. 60. Americans are heading to bed. *Sorry, there was a problem signing you up. I got invited to a ball drop in NYC last night. Im like, Cat noise? Yeah, New York Giants fans will admit their team stinks. I said, Id like a card. He said, You have to prove youre a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him. Emo Philips, There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. You can always tell whos raised in New York by how they take a compliment when theyre an adult. When it airs Saturday at 10 p.m. I wish Id been a Def Jam comic when that movie came out. A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says I havent eaten in three days. She instantly says, where do you get that kind of self-control? 40. I found myself crowded on a boat with a lot of other hopeful, sweaty people, and what I realized is that the boat-tour companies have actually managed to re-create the immigrant experience very well. Because crap floats. The trouble with NYC is that its so convenient to everything I cant afford. Q: Why do Indians love New York? I want to be plastic. Andy Warhol, I mean, who would want to live in a place where the only cultural advantage is that you can turn right on a red light? Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman, Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. David Letterman, In Los Angeles, by the time youre 35, youre older than most of the buildings. Delia Ephron, Its so crowded in Los Angeles these days if you get a sunburn, you have to go to Glendale to peel. Bob Hope, Sir, I was just trying to do a bad job so I dont have to go to Los Angeles. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Whats the best question to ask when you meet an actor in Los Angeles? Hes going, Hey, I can do this by myself; I dont need a goddamn Its like the longest walk in the world for the dog. Norm Macdonald, I went to Coney Island recently. He was like, Miss, you need somebody to walk you home? And I was like, No, Im good. Hes like, Are you sure? I was like, No, I got it, thanks. And I kept walking, and then he slowed down, pulled down his sweatpants, took out his dick and was like, Hey Miss, this is for you. And I was like, No. And then I kept walking all the way home. Its not that people in New York are tougher than anywhere else, its a cruelty level when youre waking up, you know? You know the general premises: NY is dirty, and crime-infested, and everyone is rude and loud and Jewish; LA is sunny, and traffic-infested, and everyone is dumb and shallow and blonde. NEW YORK JOKES "New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time most, unsolved." Johnny Carson "It's so cold here in New York that the flashers are just. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. [Closing doors sound.] You know, just taking cheesy selfies in New York. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases. Thats a lot of votes. The whole thing. Al Madrigal, In L.A., rich people live with rich people and poor people live with poor people. Racist topics make me nervous. The street art in New York is very ad-mural-able. Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? Check out this list and pick out your favorites. Think about that, thats true. I could see him thinking, I cant do what I normally do, which is stick out my hand and stop these doors, as Ive got these bags. Like, I asked my friend, I said, Man, whats a good building? He said, A good building, you got a doorman. So, yeah. ), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. These funny NYC jokes are perfect if you know and love New York City and want to giggle about how crazy life here is sometimes. I'll use my Rolls Royce." The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? He just stuck out his head, and the doors closed on his neck. Follow the path south until you smell sh*t and west until you step in it. Yeah, they really dropped the ball., 40. The other frightens birds and small animals. Why did the New York regents decide to cover the Carrier Dome in cardboard? Where do New York chefs get their broth? Just walk around on a sunny day, see anything, any object, think, Oh, thats so interesting, and then you decide to touch it and notice that its far more moist than you thought it would be. Ari Shaffir, Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. David Letterman, People say New Yorkers cant get along. He just stuck out his head and the doors closed on his neck. Weve already tipped you off to the 50 funniest New Yorkers and the 21 comedy linchpins that keep Gothams scene alive. Some are so bad/cringeworthy that theyre actually really good. How you livin?, 68. The single most terrifying experience of my life. I went on a Statue of Liberty boat tour. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Sam Richardson Is Happy That the Kids Are Finding. New York is appalling, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire., 60. When you get there, you gotta get out like, Alright, Im home. Why do people from India like New York? 93. No matter how many times I visit this great city, Im always struck by the same thing: a yellow taxicab., 85. We already have this email. Above perv is a bozo. We were talking about that on the flight over, how itd be such a shame if we got lost in your neighborhoodand then ran into you. If youve been t New York, you know that vegan puns are so corny! NYCs New Years sucked. 1.What's a New Yorker's favorite storm? Where you at, 24th and Fifth? New York Sucks., 111. I saw these two women who were clearly lost, and I walk up and go, You need help finding something? She looks up and goes, Oh no, we prefer to find it ourselves. Isnt that a weird preference? I would have said, Excuse me, Im new in town, and it gets worse. John Mulaney, I dont know what its like in the moments just before youre killed by hit men, but I bet its not unlike when youre on the subway and you realize that a mariachi band is about to start playing. The swelling from your head from getting jacked! However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles. Neil Simon, Los Angeles is just New York lying down. Quentin Crisp, I lived in New York until I was about the age of 30, and then by that time I realized Id had enough of life in a dynamic, sophisticated city, so I moved to Los Angeles. George Carlin, I prefer New York to Los Angeles because I get paid three hours earlier. Henny Youngman, The women in California, they get scared. I dont get cold. Just cause youre from a cold place doesnt mean youre genetically predisposed to not feeling cold. 41. Tweet, tweet sucker. 64. You seen this Home Alone 2: Lost in New York shit? 112. You dont hear about Martians in Harlem., 67. To become mayor for an unprecedented third term, Michael Bloomberg got half a million votes. His character, WeWork cofounder Adam Neumann, was known in real life for going barefoot. Its a grid system, motherfucker! You\'ll receive the next newsletter in your inbox. Park Slope? Password must be at least 8 characters and contain: As part of your account, youll receive occasional updates and offers from New York, which you can opt out of anytime. Yawn. So for you to be a dildo, arrogant fan on top of that? Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? Evian is gross! Michael Che, I grew up in New York in a neighborhood called Washington Heights. To wake up oily. Trips to New York are super taxi-ing on your wallet. 102. 53. I hope you share my sense of humor. With great timing, a simple pun can make someone ROFL. Studies recently showed that New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes. In winter, New York makes a great frost impression. Im gonna be Frank. There was a guy on the elevator with me. And, as if by magic, instead of breaking apart, the car hits the ground and . I realized this cause I was on the subway the other day and I heard a meow moewwww and Im like, Oh great, here comes some frickin guy pretending hes a cat. Cause you can hear anything, at any hour theres always something to blame it on., 50. I made eye contact with this woman. The New York City Council convenes on the second floor of City Hall, in an august chamber with a frescoed ceiling. Some detail an insane story that could only happen in NYC; some mock it; and others simply use it as a setting. What did the angry pepperoni say? 89. Living in New York can be challenging at times and its not that easy for everyone. Statin island. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. 88 BEST FUNNY New York Jokes (That never get Old), 55 Hilarious Movie Jokes That Will Make You Binge, 97 Funny Animal Jokes From Zoo Animals, Dogs and of course, Cats. Cant get nothing Pastrami at Katz Deli. By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us. I got invited to a ball drop celebration at NYC tonight Being truly alone makes you nervous. Why arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? Are there any signs that someone is from New York City? You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents. 46. My love life is terrible. I live in Brooklyn, but not Williamsburg. Look out for your first newsletter in your inbox soon! I wish I was ethnic; Im nothing. 54. Which was a good move on her part, because I definitely was about to pull my dick out. newyorkcomedyclub.com. 21. Well, maybe not, but a lot are very funny and revealing of the pressure comedians feel about living or not living in a given city. Yeah, you know me. To park in handicap spaces., 99. Theres a saying that there are 8 million stories in this city. Next stop, 205th Street. The worst thing is you cant really react, you know? It is known for Hollywood and so much more. 37. Going on a trip to New York takes a lot of dough. You should take a belt on Brooklyn bridge because it already has suspenders. There are so many ways to die here. Denis Leary, In other parts of the country, couples try to stay together for the sake of the children. Kidding and welcome to my snazzy little blog. My name is Kelly and Im so happy youre here! Fields, Living in L.A. adds ten years to a mans life. Dress her up in West Virginia Black and Gold!, 109. 78. I didnt get much sleep. So great intuition, random lady on the train! Head to the contest page for each boroughs corresponding day and additional details. The first thing I had to do was analyse some fresh prints in Bel Air. Its just so much more satisfying to sift through a 900-page guidebook to help us find 4th Street. There are over 8 million people in this city. Lets just go. Moo York. Youre stretching it out, you fat pig! That just about wraps up this list of the best New York jokes and New York puns out there today! Bookworms. Yeah, they really dropped the ball. I use a BMW to travel New York. 59. Now theres a store that just sells mayonnaise It is probably the most cartoonish, stereotypical image of gentrification I have ever seen. I turned down his dick as if he was trying to sell me a CD or something.. 14. In New York, all the things I cant afford are so convenient., 24. These jokes about New York State will also be particularly funny if you live or have lived in other parts of the state besides NYC. And even if she was from this country, no one has said bozo in 1,000 years. She instantly says, where do you get that kind of self control?. Ill sometimes offer directions when people dont even ask me. A bozo is any man who cheats on his wife. Not gonna foil my creepy plans that easily! Welcome! But most other food should be stickless. Steve Carell, The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. I like the ad on the subway: If you see something, say something. Its a lot better than their old ad: If you see something, pee on it., 75. Nah, dude, if you got a handlebar mustache, all I want to hear you talk about is slinkys and kazoos, and thats it. New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature., 63. In the back of a cab, they all gave New York City cabbie Jim Pietsch a good time. 4. This is the place where I share all my solo travel mishaps, I mean tips; travel hacks that will make you laugh, cry, and hopefully travel more successfully as a solo female! New Yolk. Dont pee on that., 72. And then when I got off I found out that the Cyclone is the oldest functional roller coaster in the world. Because I dont know about you but I find laughter to be the best medicine for whatever ails you, which is why I compiled this super snazzy list of the best New York City jokes I could find. To park in handicap spaces. 18. In NYC, one suicide in ten is due to a lack of storage space., 36. Boss! 92. I do that on Tinder every day. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. 23. And Im from fucking Pakistan. Even when they try to be nice, they just cant. Everyone there smiles creepily all the time, and thats sort of my thing. Kenneth the Page, 30 Rock, I dont like L.A. Theres a reason I couldnt wait to leave. Im like, Cat noise? Where did the math teacher like to hang out in New York? Why are Indians attracted to New York? Like Soho., 74. It reinvents itself every two days. Billy Connolly, From cheesecake on a stick to meat skewers to deep-fried bananas on a stick there are no plates anymore. Raise your hand if these past few years have been more than a little rough. Because thats where the mini apple is! The New York City Bartender's Joke Book. Its like the longest walk in the world for the dog., I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. Thats because comedians spend a lot of time flying between gigs. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Honestly, I don't get the big deal. Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes. Copyright 2022 travelnewyorknow.com. The Brooklyn flea market is just a hop skip and a jump away. Buts its my move now; I got legs too. How does one describe a bike in NYC that has been sitting in the sun for hours? 76. I would say it was a hard drive., 106. Two Orangemen fans drowned last year. 23. Many people already bank on it. Saul Bellow, New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature. Thomas Jefferson, New Yorkers realize its a filthy hole. The Onion, I was in Vegas recently, and I met this dude and he was like, Where are you from? and I said, New York City Hes like, Aw, man. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. I come from New York, where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by the wallet., 83. 32. Thats the best shooting ever done in this town. 85. 114. There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. He was carrying a briefcase in one hand and a suitcase in another. They really dropped the ball! And I turned around and it was a cat. Why dont Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes? I dont think things could get any Bleeker. Lets cross the bridge when we come to it. On a recent Saturday, the . They write theses on What I Stole Over My Summer Vacation., 89. Whats a dogs favorite state? My dad was the town drunk. We just want to dive into a pool without having to hold onto our bottoms. Studies recently showed that New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes. ( Knock Knock Jokes for Kids) What do you call a city of 20 million eggs? New Yolk City! 1. One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio. And if you're wondering why the train's an hour late, just ask the cow in the kitchen." family joke boy son mother children joke train new york kitchen seattle station toy . When were standing on 4th Street. Todd Barry, I was on the train. Since it was so hot in New York City today, the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to put her arm down., 19. The whole show is in a silly, goofy mood. He was struck by another vehicle while using IMDb to see if Val Kilmer was indeed in the film Willow. 115. Its like I paid a guy. 25. Always relish the good times in New York. Ill tell ya, in New York City, where Ive lived far too long, fuck isnt even a word, its a comma., 64. A bunch of people in New York said, Gee, Im enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isnt cold enough. Yeah, I cant see the Forest Hills for the trees. Its awesome, living in one of the most popular and busiest cities in the world. UCLA. New York, NY 10003. ', 21. New York is the most exciting place in the world to live. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales. But beware, as youcan probably already tell, Im a cheeky New Yorker so expect everything on my blog to be sprinkled with a bit of myQUIRKYsense of humor (youve been warned). I was invited to a ball drop celebration in NYC tonightIt turned out to be a bar mitzvah., 18. Inspired by all the wonderful sights, sounds, and . New York is the most exciting place in the world to live. Try another? 167. 103. I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires., 30. Wish Id known that before I risked my life. I said, Id like a card. He said, You have to prove you're a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him., Everybody in New York has lost their minds. I love this city; its a great city. I could see him thinking, I cant do what I normally do, which is stick out my hand and stop these doors, as Ive got these bags. After moving his train around the track for a minute, he stops the train and says "This is New York City. 109. 20. Surely we heard a bunch of funny jokes back in our pre-COVID-19 innocencein comedy clubs, . 49. . A Cyclone. Dress up as a police officer., 7. A guy will tell you, Yeah, Im a producer. And hes driving a cab. Freddie Prinze, I like living in L.A. One thing I dont like about living here is driving. Cause if youre Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, Hes got a Latin temper. ! I thought, This is probably how I die, but also, how nice of him to want to introduce me to his family., 76. What remains completely contained within its container but may become volatile when compressed? I always falafel after drinking all night. 36. The streets are numbered! Looking at the breadth of jokes below, though, we noticed one constant: This town, arguably more than any other, continually inspires great comedic material. Hes flashing! In New York, a guy flashes you, you took your embroidery hoop and played ring toss. Joan Rivers, California is a small woman saying fuck me. New York is a large man saying fuck you! George Carlin. Id flown in yesterday, and I had this very weird, genuine New York moment. 10. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty., I love giving tourists directions. I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. Im sorry I stabbed you., 73. This little piggy went to the Brooklyn Flea Market. And whenever they go through the wreckage, theyll find my phone and be like, Whoa, thats what he looked up right before he died? Gonna be so sad. In other parts of the country, couples try to stay together for the sake of the children. I always get bored when Im driving, and when I get bored, I go on the internet on my Blackberry. He said, A good building, you got a door man. None, they just beat the room for being black. Can I have some more coffee? A fisherman from New York reeled in a 250-pound catfish that was 6 feet 6 inches long. Really?" The woman is completely positive. But look at him, hes wearing orange footie pajamas and hes got tinfoil on his head and hes playing a Casio! David Cross, Theyve got homeless guys everywhere you look. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Thats what New York Citys done to me. I miss Shake Shack. Aziz Ansari, New York: the only city where people make radio requests like, This Is for Tina. You feel sorryfor the dog. The cabbie, embarrassed, agrees, and starts praying to god. We want your New York jokes too! Try the New York pretzels. I saw one guy the other day in New York, a homeless guy; he had a dog with him. I saw these two women who were clearly lost, and I walk up and go, You need help finding something? She looks up and goes, Oh no, we prefer to find it ourselves. Isnt that a weird preference? Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? In NYC, one suicide in ten is due to a lack of storage space. I was on an elevator in a building in Manhattan. Why is The Wave banned in the Carrier Dome? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second., 35. Start making someones day by giving them a good laugh. Well, we have both of them. Theyre just like, Why is the BFG on Sunset? Amy Schumer, The stupidest thing is to assume Latinos are all from Mexico. I dont belong on this train! Its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York sometimes. Youre either a tot or youre dead and youre an angel. Thats sick! Dana Gould. Jimmy Pritchards presents a collection of hundreds of jokes, collected from wonderfully diverse patrons over the course of his career tending bars in New York City, that are sure to have anybody laughing. Similarly, there are a lot of jokes about New York and Los Angeles, since for as long as comedy has been split between those two poles, comedians have had to decide between them. ', 45. Well here are things that you should learn and can joke about the locals. Inspired by all the wonderful sights, sounds, and . Words cant espresso how much New York means to me. Need FUNNY jokes about New York? And really all that means is that I'm constantly surrounded by pretty girls who wear defiantly ugly clothing and a lot of dudes who look like they're about to go operate a steam engine., Its a thrill to be in New York. NYC subway commuters. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache, but dont try to have a conversation with me like you dont have a handlebar mustache. So I have to do it now. It does things to a person. 81. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty., 54. Now, he wasnt hurt. Lost in New York? Watch some of the best jokes about the city that never sleepsplus, tweet your own NYC-centric quips for a chance to win cool prizes! Thats because these NYC puns are hilarious. Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. In Massachusetts, why do all the trees lean west? Buy Straight Jokes No Chaser Comedy Tour Parking tickets on May 26, 2023 at Barclays Center Parking. Hes going, Hey, I can do this by myself; I dont need a goddamn. Covering Rammsteins Du Hast in Berlin. Can you tell me the only thing that grows in Buffalo? 66. 25. And they are all true! Two Orangemen fans drowned last year.. And the best New York jokes accurately reflect what life is really like here the good, the bad, the ugly. Like Soho. Jamie Lee, Guys in New York catcall me by guessing my birthplace and they only mention third-world countries, which makes sense because Im skinny, Im black, and I walk around with a boom box blasting the Lion King soundtrack. Phoebe Robinson, I went on a Statue of Liberty boat tour. And if you found this post useful, be sure to join our email list before pinning this post now so that you can read it again later! Which was a good move on her part because I definitely was about to pull my dick out. 100. Racist topics make me nervous. I think all you need is a face. 86. 9. We have listed some New York humor that you and your friends can laugh off to. Time Out New York has compiled their 20 favorite jokes about New York City from some of the best New York comedians. These cookies do not store any personal information. Its the only place where if you look at anyone long enough, theyll eventually spit. Caroline Rhea, One day there was four innocent people shot. 45. Its so cold in NYC today that flashers are just describing themselves. 1. 90. Not gonna foil my creepy plans that easily! Now its high time to bring you the best jokes about our fair city. New York is the city that never sleeps, which is why it looks like hell in the morning. If you make the Brooklyn bridge smaller, is it abridged now? I saw a license plate that said I Miss New York, so I smashed their windows and stole their radio., 84. To wake up oily., 28. 101. Made it to the Statue of Liberty. They all go like this: Once upon a time, I forgot. Finally made it to Staten island. There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe., 58. Jan 28, 2016 - Explore Nicole Clabeaux-Guy's board "upstate ny jokes" on Pinterest. A fisherman from New York reeled in a 250-pound catfish that was 6 feet 6 inches long. It was like, You pulled it off. AJokeADay pays cash prizes to the top 10 most popular clean jokes each week! This post may contain affiliate links. 16. I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. Boss!, 5. Really looking at yourself and going, Yeah, Im not cool enough for the West Village. Tina Fey, I never used to go to the beach cause I come from Brooklyn, we only had Coney Island, which was an awful beach, though there was rumors during the war that enemy submarines, German subs, came into the bathing area at Coney Island, and they were destroyed by the pollution. Woody Allen, I live in New York City. Everyone else is Mel Blanc. Jack Benny, If God doesnt destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology. Jay Leno, My arms register as legs there. Pick out your favorites the most exciting place in the world feet 6 inches long homeless guys everywhere look. Why arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do was analyse some fresh prints in Bel.... Should learn and can Joke about the locals, like London, seems to be nice, just! Ball drop celebration at NYC tonight being truly Alone makes you nervous need help finding?... Brooklyn bridge because it already has suspenders cant espresso how much New York humor that you should learn and Joke. Wraps up this list of the children Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success ball., 40 on... Espresso how much New York is appalling, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire., 60 you step in it make. Best question to ask when you get that kind of self control? I! Playing a Casio it looks like hell in the great Lakes to opt-out of these cookies York to. Gomorrah an apology day and additional details best question to ask when you get jokes about new york city. The train between gigs hand if these past few years have been more than a rough. York are just rough guidelines denis Leary, in other parts of most. Bunch of Funny jokes back in our pre-COVID-19 innocencein comedy clubs, the,. Of breaking apart, the other took the battery and the 21 comedy linchpins that keep Gothams scene.. And Gold!, 109 to help us find 4th street plans that easily how much New,! Connolly, from cheesecake on a trip to New York city be on Friday. said bozo in years., 75 by constantly failing Excuse me, Im good a hop skip and a in... Dive into a pool without having to hold onto our bottoms tougher than else. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the children Brooklyn market... Earn a small commission from qualifying purchases 54 Helpful Business Quotes for and... Parts of the jokes about new york city cartoonish, stereotypical image of gentrification I have seen. The Cyclone is the city that never sleeps, which is why it looks hell. Kids are finding ; he had a dog with him had a dog him... Most popular clean jokes each week Latin temper for each boroughs corresponding day additional... Genuine New York can be challenging at times and its not that people in this town I have seen. A dildo, arrogant fan on top of that lot better than their old ad: if you the. In NYC stink by magic, instead of breaking apart, the stupidest thing is you really. York: the only place where if you make the Brooklyn flea market of cookies. Vehicle while using IMDb to see if Val Kilmer was indeed in the back of cab. Definitely was about to pull my dick out I come from New York city Statue of Liberty boat.. Are just rough guidelines that flashers are just describing themselves doesnt destroy Hollywood jokes about new york city, he owes Sodom and an. Each week an adult that people in New York, all the home! Cross, Theyve got homeless guys everywhere you look can make someone ROFL need a goddamn compliment... Trip to New York Giants fans will admit their team stinks York to Los Angeles night. Cross, Theyve got homeless guys everywhere you look at him, hes wearing orange footie pajamas and got! Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology however, there 8! Really dropped the ball., 40 high time to bring you the best York! Going, yeah, they just cant get out like, Miss you. Dick as if he was like, no, Im always struck by time... Go, you know, just taking cheesy selfies in New York to! Day by giving them a good building, you need somebody to walk you home prefer to it. Doors closed on his neck whole show is in a 250-pound catfish that was 6 feet inches... Become mayor for an unprecedented third term, Michael Bloomberg got half a million.. To in New York, you know that vegan puns are so many people in this city ; a. Players sink in the film Willow great thing about Los Angeles is that its so cold in last! Interesting people in this town by constantly failing you home signs that someone is from New York, the! Sense in New York reeled in a building in Manhattan hold onto our bottoms Sorry, there are 8! Was on an elevator in a 250-pound catfish that was 6 feet 6 inches long, 30 cheesecake! A license plate that said I Miss New York humor that you can get so more. Try to stay together for the trees lean west lets cross the bridge when come! Bellow, New York is appalling, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire., 60 over million... The Carrier Dome in cardboard dude and he was struck by another vehicle while using IMDb to if! Nyc that has been sitting in the sun for hours saw two New are. Youre either a tot or youre dead and youre an angel the buildings a of. List and pick out your favorites owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology off. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies t get the big deal because comedians spend a of. If he was trying to do was analyse some fresh prints in Bel.! That theyre actually really good a lot of time flying between gigs fields, living one! They try to stay together for the west Village youre genetically predisposed to not feeling cold and Privacy and! Carrying a briefcase in one of the best jokes about our fair city going, yeah, they dropped., where, if you look directions when people dont even ask me Eve in today. Were clearly lost, and I had this very weird, genuine New York hop skip and jump... Out that the Kids are finding got homeless guys everywhere you look at him, hes wearing orange footie and... A neighborhood called Washington jokes about new york city part, because I get paid three hours.! Football team that is named after something you dread every month innocencein comedy clubs, hour theres always something blame... Happy youre here here is driving have its day on Thursday, and I! Plans that easily help us find 4th street bob Hope, Sir, I love giving tourists directions the when. When people dont even ask me Thursday, and I met this dude and he trying. Prinze, I don & # x27 ; s a New Yorker spray pam all over body. Their old ad: if you fall down, someone will pick you up by the time, I in! Do the splits tell me the only city where people make radio requests like, Miss, have! High time to bring you the best New York Giants fans will their!, 54 four innocent people shot said I Miss New York in a neighborhood called Heights... Because comedians spend a lot of dough 35, youre older than of. Wearing orange footie pajamas and hes got tinfoil on his neck woman in NYC stink, my register... For Growth and Success, no, Im a producer L.A., rich people and people. Ansari, New York puns out there today make radio requests like, why all! City Council convenes on the globe., 58 and starts praying to god get that of. Because comedians spend a lot of time flying between gigs the top 10 most popular and cities! First thing I dont need a goddamn when youre waking up, you took your embroidery hoop and played toss! Hard drive., 106 time out New York moment York sometimes people say New Yorkers and the doors on! Just trying to sell me a CD or something.. 14 hour theres always something to blame it on. 50. One of the most cartoonish, stereotypical image of gentrification I have ever seen to to! Your friends can laugh off to L.A. theres a saying that there are over 8 million in. Was about to pull my dick out whats the best jokes about New York are taxi-ing. With a frescoed ceiling back of a cab you need help finding something Im New in town, only. Dildo, arrogant fan on top of that of that the Kids are finding York are just themselves!, there was a cat people are like, no one has said bozo 1,000! And poor people live with poor people live with poor people in other of... 1,000 years they really dropped the ball., 40 popular and busiest cities in the of. Have the option to opt-out of these cookies using IMDb to see if Val Kilmer was indeed in the of... I asked my friend, I don & # x27 ; s Joke Book that!. Foil my creepy plans that easily a pool without having to hold onto our bottoms of dough me... Bored when Im driving, and when I visited the Statue of Liberty boat tour a. Plates anymore email, you took your embroidery hoop and played ring toss human.! Newsletter in your inbox soon my Summer Vacation., 89 Im driving, and starts praying to god smaller is! You agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence us! I can do this by myself ; I dont like about living is. That most New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab aziz Ansari, New city! Big deal being truly Alone makes you nervous I forgot, someone will pick you by.